L.A. Confidential - Russel Crowe hath redeemed himself from his annoying performance in "Virtuosity." Plus, That Kevin Spacey Fella is a hoot.
Rosewood - Ving Rhames is a kick-ass presence, and you get a first-hand insight into the immense shame all honkys should feel at the entire 'lynch mob' concept.
The Last Boy Scout - Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, dark, nasty, action-comedy. This gets better with age.
Robocop - YES, ROBOCOP! Gruesome and violent, cool and twisted.
Hudson Hawk - who cares what Gene Ebert thinks! THIS IS COMEDY!
D.C. Cab - need I say more?
As Good As It Gets - Jack at his strangest.
Titanic - sca-REW the hype. ALL THESE PEOPLE ACTUALLY DIED THESE HORRIBLE DEATHS. Stop concentrating on DiCaprio, folks.
Bad Boys - Thank you, Fresh Prince!
Twilight - Paul Newman and James Garner. Hey, while you're at it, go see Cool Hand Luke.
The Big Lebowski - Ladies and gentlemen, John Friggin' Goodman.
Suicide Kings - Denis Leary AND Walken! Can do no wrong!
Godzilla - remember, kiddies, hiring writers can only HELP the special effects! It's a keen thought! Look into it! In the meantime, don't spend your money on crap.
The Spanish Prisoner - Steve Martin and Campbell Scott are always great, but Dammit, Mamet, stop casting your wife.
Armageddon - hey, not bad! The Aerosmith wasn't even that abrasive!.
What Dreams May Come--looks damn purty, but it's missing the climactic journey OUT of hell.
Rush Hour--not enough ass-kicking.
Jackie Chan's First Strike--yeeha! Ass-kicking!
Wild Wild West... I am disappointed in a Will Smith movie. That isn't right.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut - Sheer musical genius
Bulworth - Warren Beatty rapping. I agree.
Buffalo '66 - I fart on this art.
Hellcab - formerly "Chicago Cab." Two Pearl Jam songs in the soundtrack, and Paul Dillon is good.
Check out some more movie picks by checking out the new movie guy - Criminy Pete!
Forsooth, gather round, you Assketeer minions, and feast your eyes upon the wonders before ye. Here lies a crapload of smooth-ass things the Baron thinks you should see and love:
Billy Idol--The future has imploded into the present.
Jewel - man, look at her. She's so cute. She'd probably dig a guy with wings and a tail, dont'cha think? Huh? It's too bad she went all "God" on her second album.
Godzilla!--the bestest beastie this side of the King Ad Rock. I despise the recent film.
Red Meat-from the secret files of Max Cannon. More unadulterated genius.
George Carlin - kickass legendary comedian who gets MUCH better with age. Forget the seven dirty words (you can say tits now, sometimes, anyway), get Brain Droppings! Wonderful stuff!
And speakin' o' George, what does he have in common with Janeane Garofalo,William Shatner,Jack Nicholson, and Billy Joel? Why, they've all renounced that silly ol' God for the massive delusion he is! True, they have not adopted the one true religion - the Word Of Baron Von Ass - but hey, it's a start.
Braveheart - another incredible film (any film that can make me sit on my tail for 3 hours and not care is wondrous in itself). The unfortunately Catholic Mel Gibson's incredible dramatic achievement in the retelling of the legend of William Wallace, the heroic Scotsman steeped in mythos.
Macbeth--Another Scottish drama, this one a powerful, stirring, classic tragedy, the story of one noble man's descent into greed, treachery, and the cacophonous cavern of twisted logic, mystical paranoia, and the evil of the hunger for power. "Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Mr. Cranky! - when you get pissed at Hollywood, go here.
Bruce Willis- or if you feel like reveling in Hollywood, this is your man.
